The Lessons of Life From My Better Side

Sometimes in life you need to step back to hold your breath for a while before that grand entrance to make your hidden voices finally heard. At times, you can be successful only to break through and prevail from your demise.
Sometimes you need to taste he downside and the fall, along with the punishments of all the rage and temper tantrums that you know you shouldn’t have unleashed. But it is only when you can resist the fall and pull yourself through the seemingly endless hole that you can see how the true souls in a person fights and defend the life that it holds.
These are only a scratch of the lessons of life I learnt from my boyfriend.

For a long time, I know I can see dedication when I see it glowing out of a person, but I couldn’t see just how fierce and tenacious dedication could be until I met my boyfriend.

A persistent Scorpio as he is, I can see through him like an empty book even at the first sight, that it sometimes draws to be illogic to think that I could tell his star sign and year of birth inside the first minutes of our first conversation (something that I don’t usually do with people, by the way).

Being the closest person I have ever known to get near to being a professional Premier League football player, my boyfriend gave up football playing at the age of 18 to finish his University degree. In 2003 he had built an interesting career path at a local athlete management agency while continuously building his name by consulting in various advertising campaigns.
At the first half of 2004, his management agency suffered great loss and then forced to plunge into a draw back. Employee cuts were advised, and at the first year of his working experience, my boyfriend lost his job by a glimpse.

As everything around him fell down, my boyfriend stood up for himself. Despite the fact that the job loss had delivered series of frustration, heartache and tears, not to mention brought about family pressure and a set of thrown objects along with loud tones; he rises even still. Practically homeless, car-less and unemployed, he slowly took grip and got back to his feet. Denying a lot of offers to different posts and jobs, including one from my own brother, he persistently fought his own way to a new job by finding new affiliation through his sets of established relations.
Now, after a little over a year, his blood and guts had built up his new career over the ruins of his old one. He is currently the number one representative for his firm’s foreign affairs, and is considered the most prominent person to take the leading position in one of the firm’s foreign sections.

It seems to me that to every bad predicament that life has put him through, he has proven himself against all odds. For every judgement and assumptions that anyone has put in his path, my boyfriend proofs to be the most eager with better sense of survival. He is, after all, the contradictive better side of me. For every grit, dedication, and tenacity in everything he does in life I admire this great person even more. And despite everything that has occurred between us, I know that it is this hard working determined soul inside the physical wrapping of my boyfriend that commands my airspace. At the end of the day, it is for everything he has proven to be, for every little thing he does his way and every other time he is what he is that I love him.

Just got a Tarot reading on my “Loved One”, and this person is said to hold the symbol “King of Pentacles”, and yeah, if you ask me, that really sounds nice…I mean, a king, ...hmmm..I can really imagine my loved one to be a king,..or a future king. But then again, as it was only a symbol (damnit!) then it was not to be regarded literally. So it was, and this King of Pentacles is just a symbol of a person who always gets things done, always be able to fight and get what he needs and succeeds in whatever he deems necessary and important. This person also carries the strength and ability to be sought after and looked at in a very positive way. Okay, so yeah, although he may not be an actual king, but so far he does sound like my type,..hehe……But I got the thinking,…if it is the way it was suppose to be, who is this person anyway?. I mean, I know I have Alan, and he is certainly one feisty fighter indeed. But I don’t think he is that fulfilled in the majestic-successful side, because as we all know, he has been too involved with failure all too much. So, could it be that this person is someone that I haven’t known just yet? I know that this is wrong, but I was just thinking; could this person be Paul? As far as I know, he is successful somehow in whatever it is he is doing. But then again,..he’s an American, and it’s not that I’m Xenophobic or anything, but I just have this thing about Americans that I tend to regard them as experimental objects instead of real people. Hell, I know it’s wrong in the first place, but to whomever trying to be judgmental then I have to say; “it’s my thing, let it go!”. Anyway, this experimental thing of mine is coming to an end, thanks to the dear-dear American people I have met recently.

Is Having Affairs a Sin?

So is this it, now, am I cured?
Have I gone over you now, have I endured?
The struggling mind over the line
The stir inside your vacant eyes

Has it all come down to this now?
Another goodbye before the light before it stops
Must it all gone to the ground now?
Must I walk on from the instant drug?
Have his songs driven me down, now?
Cause his sights are telling me this is it, now, I can’t say that

Still can’t escape your daring blue
Which fall through the pain of you
So are you through without me, can you say
That you’ll be free without me, you’ll be okay

Though this will stay in the city
Crawl and tremble the inside of me
For everything was about your looks
And every word in the world you put
For everything was on what you said
And each line you got turning in my head

Why is it that a relationship needs that little twinge of fate, long geographical distance, series of shouting and finger pointing, socio-economic inequality, and yes, some other things that are affairs.
It seems that nothing can ever go smoothly in this round world of ours, and relationship being one of them. But to think about it, the rougher it gets, the tougher you’ll be in the end. In this case, relationships should be tested with the things said above to proof its efficacy against all odds. In shorter words, it’s what keeps the glue sticking on the both of you.
To my case though, an affair is proven times and times to be the most influential one indeed. It’s easy, it’s fast and disposable, and like effervescent aspirin tablets to your heavy headache, it can relief your relationship’s stagnancy. If affairs are that good, then why is it that people still regard it so badly? I mean, in the world where being gay is normal and threesomes are fashionable, why are affairs still a bad thing? Isn’t it just the same as going to another dentist without telling your own? In the end of the day you can only be reassured that your dentist stays the best in the city, or the exact opposite. If that dentist then suddenly decreases to second best, then your “relationship” needs a second thought.
Somewhat months ago, there was no doubt that even the most daunting of my half would resort to this kind of attachment to a person of such personality, thus, making it unbreakably exciting. But somehow, all of those conflicts and crisis failed after a series of family gatherings, alcohol related talks, loud shouts on mobile phones and a specific wedding. After what made it so daunting fell down, everything that played part suddenly became normal, and what was normal was also potentially boring. There was no edgy feeling anymore; no fear, doubt, no sense of mistrust, no blur between hate and love, less yelling and fighting, less wanting to throw each other with available utensils, and even less hesitancy. Suddenly, the daytime drama in us fades away.
I guess it was the constant need for drama and that twinge which got me into this mess again. Through an affair came real and present drama that can certainly make life more interesting. But then, once it’s come and gone, would your life be the dull transparent ice casing again?

Is There Such Thing?

This topic was brought about by a friend: What defines the term soulmate? and how does soulmate function, and who can be our soulmate?

Your turn?
This friend of mine (Libra, female) doesn't believe in love at the first sight, but she believes in fate, and love (like most things, she said)needs familiarizing. She thinks that soulmate can be not only a lover, but anyone you feel comfortable with. But there's no way that Lust at the 1st sight can be related to being soulmate, despite going through a familiarizing process. Lust can only stay as lust, and soulmate is a more comfortable and pure grouping.
Do you think so?

The Things That Matters

A certain guy from one of class has played a great deal in making me welcomed in this strange yet new class for me. In my observation, there is not one day where we are seated in the same class that he doesn’t say my name. We talked a lot of course, and he was a very fun person to talk to. And even when we’re not seated in conversation distance, he seemed to be able to resort to heckling directed at me, so yes, there isn’t one class pass by without him actually saying my name. Lately, as we got to know each other a little bit better, we started to exchange eyesight, roll our eyes to the sight of others as a particular comment were said from others, and basically just squirt or smile at each other in a friendly-intimate kind of way. We have also talked about pretty much serious stuff that I would usually talk to my friends; marriage (though of course not with each other), relationships, occupation, alcoholic beverages, and lots more. I have to say personally, he is cute, and I would have fancied him besides neither consequences nor appearances. But, the fact exists that he is actually five years younger than me. Yes, five years. He is even younger than my little sisters-both of them!
There was also those nights spent at a certain Barbu Club in Koksijde, and Elysium, London where some too loaded sixteen year olds would come up to me asking what chances do they have with me. I, being brought up among conservatives, of course then spill out the most effective turn up line; “Sorry, you’re too young”.
Despite me sensing that there has to be nothing that can be taken as an end to this, my analytical side rationalizes; I shouldn’t be doing this. I should be a good senior with proper behaviour and academic knowledge to spend. I should play myself respectable and wise, something I know somebody would never be regarded as for being flirty. Though, in the other hand I don’t want to be considered ageist, because I know I am certainly not that.
I know I am not interested in getting anything off of this, though I cannot deny that if this happen when the guy’s 25 and me 30 then nothing would really be much of a problem. I mean, look at Guy Ritchie and Madonna, Ashton and Demi. Have I too been constructed by this Indonesian-Eastern culture frame of mind that women should date older men? But since it is happening now, then questions are being asked. Without focusing too much to my case, I got the thinking; “Is it actually okay to flirt with younger guys, despite realizing the fact that being older brought about some degree of behaviour standards (in a way that seniors should be the example)? Especially when you realize that the flirting will stay as series of flirting, never a relationship?”
I have talked to few people about this matter. A certain Beautiful Stranger says that it would depend on the person (who’s flirting at who), besides in a world where anything can happen, why not? Generally most of my friends think so too;
A certain Aquarius Lass gathers that the fact of the other guy being younger adds a plus to the flirting experience, besides if it’s just for fun then it’s a-OK. Even so, she did state that the age difference should be at the maximum 3 (OK, not helping…). In the other hand, a particular Capricorn girlie actually startled when I brought up the idea claiming that it’s pedophilias. Though, after about ten seconds she claimed that if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be. Above all, she said that the focus should be stated on experience, and not merely of age, adding that she would better be with someone older than younger.
Agreeing with the preference of older guys, a certain Libra decided that older is not about age, but about maturity, thus, if a guy isn’t older but mature enough than it’s okay. She also noted that most guys would end up behind the classification “Boys will be boys” anyway. But beyond all that, she said that the ultimate filter would again end at knowledge and experience, and not age. Oh yeah, she’s also open to younger guys.
So, how does a guy take in all of this? A well known Aries guy (who will be D) compiles the comments hereafter:
AS : So, what do you think about guys flirting on older women (and vice versa)?
D : As long as it’s OK, then fine,
AS : Define OK, what’s the limit? Looks? Age?
D : Not too old, I mean. Early thirties still OK (this guy is 23, by the way, so that would make it about ten years difference), depend on the person, hot or bust! (pervert!)
AS : So you’re not afraid that you’ll be less experienced, thus opening the chance of being dominated?
D : I would expect a new experience. Dominated? Perhaps, but I won’t think so, like I said, it depends on the person, not all of them are dominatrice.
So, I guess our thoughts are evolving anyway in this eastern community. In the end, it does depend on the person, and their maturity. In the stark conclusion at the end, age is but a number, and what you’re really searching for is what’s behind those number. Some say maturity, maybe experience, and probably knowledge. In an older time, these three would be subjugated under the grandness of age. I guess not so anymore. In this society where we live in, age defines itself as a status, and devaluing time after time to a mere symbol.

Daniel Places the Deal

Now, He’s all about defense
Talking baby stealing like nothing is for gain
But then Daniel, you see your smile is summer rain

When it comes to hold you close
Your troubles shiver down your throat
And you go on hiding behind the thick thick pain

As your finger wraps the tones
Your tunes collapse me to the backbone
And you said I give light to the refrain

Dan, baby can you break the line
Correct the senses for a while
Come back to me
Come and hold and see

You are the melody within
But the shadow in your head
Climbs down when you’re not awake
It’s the hollow in our souls

It’s the hunger when you call

It’s how you love and tell before you fall

Me and Leif Erikson

She says it helps with the lights out

Her rabid glow is like braille to the night.

She swears I'm a slave to the details

But if your life is such a big joke, why should I care?

The clock is set for nine but you know you're gonna make it eight.

So that you two can take some time,teach each other to reciprocate.

She feels that my sentimental side should be held with kid gloves

But she doesn't know that I left my urge in the icebox

She swears I'm just prey to the female,

Well then hook me up and throw me,baby cakes, cuz I like to get hooked.

The clock is set for nine but you know you're gonna make it eight.

All the people that you've lovedthey're all bound to leave some keepsakes.

I've been swinging all the time,think it's time to learn your way.

I picture you and me together in the jungle it would be ok.

I'll bring you when my lifeboat sails through the night

That is supposing that you don't sleep tonight

It's like learning a new a language

Helps me catch up on my mime

If you don't bring up those lonely parts

This could be a good timeIt's like learning a new language

You come here to me

We'll collect those lonely parts and set them down

You come here to me

She says brief things, her love's a pony

My love's subliminal
She says brief things, her love's a pony,
My Love's subliminal
(Leif Erikson, Interpol: Turn On The Bright Lights)