The Lessons of Life From My Better Side

Sometimes in life you need to step back to hold your breath for a while before that grand entrance to make your hidden voices finally heard. At times, you can be successful only to break through and prevail from your demise.
Sometimes you need to taste he downside and the fall, along with the punishments of all the rage and temper tantrums that you know you shouldn’t have unleashed. But it is only when you can resist the fall and pull yourself through the seemingly endless hole that you can see how the true souls in a person fights and defend the life that it holds.
These are only a scratch of the lessons of life I learnt from my boyfriend.

For a long time, I know I can see dedication when I see it glowing out of a person, but I couldn’t see just how fierce and tenacious dedication could be until I met my boyfriend.

A persistent Scorpio as he is, I can see through him like an empty book even at the first sight, that it sometimes draws to be illogic to think that I could tell his star sign and year of birth inside the first minutes of our first conversation (something that I don’t usually do with people, by the way).

Being the closest person I have ever known to get near to being a professional Premier League football player, my boyfriend gave up football playing at the age of 18 to finish his University degree. In 2003 he had built an interesting career path at a local athlete management agency while continuously building his name by consulting in various advertising campaigns.
At the first half of 2004, his management agency suffered great loss and then forced to plunge into a draw back. Employee cuts were advised, and at the first year of his working experience, my boyfriend lost his job by a glimpse.

As everything around him fell down, my boyfriend stood up for himself. Despite the fact that the job loss had delivered series of frustration, heartache and tears, not to mention brought about family pressure and a set of thrown objects along with loud tones; he rises even still. Practically homeless, car-less and unemployed, he slowly took grip and got back to his feet. Denying a lot of offers to different posts and jobs, including one from my own brother, he persistently fought his own way to a new job by finding new affiliation through his sets of established relations.
Now, after a little over a year, his blood and guts had built up his new career over the ruins of his old one. He is currently the number one representative for his firm’s foreign affairs, and is considered the most prominent person to take the leading position in one of the firm’s foreign sections.

It seems to me that to every bad predicament that life has put him through, he has proven himself against all odds. For every judgement and assumptions that anyone has put in his path, my boyfriend proofs to be the most eager with better sense of survival. He is, after all, the contradictive better side of me. For every grit, dedication, and tenacity in everything he does in life I admire this great person even more. And despite everything that has occurred between us, I know that it is this hard working determined soul inside the physical wrapping of my boyfriend that commands my airspace. At the end of the day, it is for everything he has proven to be, for every little thing he does his way and every other time he is what he is that I love him.

Just got a Tarot reading on my “Loved One”, and this person is said to hold the symbol “King of Pentacles”, and yeah, if you ask me, that really sounds nice…I mean, a king, ...hmmm..I can really imagine my loved one to be a king,..or a future king. But then again, as it was only a symbol (damnit!) then it was not to be regarded literally. So it was, and this King of Pentacles is just a symbol of a person who always gets things done, always be able to fight and get what he needs and succeeds in whatever he deems necessary and important. This person also carries the strength and ability to be sought after and looked at in a very positive way. Okay, so yeah, although he may not be an actual king, but so far he does sound like my type,..hehe……But I got the thinking,…if it is the way it was suppose to be, who is this person anyway?. I mean, I know I have Alan, and he is certainly one feisty fighter indeed. But I don’t think he is that fulfilled in the majestic-successful side, because as we all know, he has been too involved with failure all too much. So, could it be that this person is someone that I haven’t known just yet? I know that this is wrong, but I was just thinking; could this person be Paul? As far as I know, he is successful somehow in whatever it is he is doing. But then again,..he’s an American, and it’s not that I’m Xenophobic or anything, but I just have this thing about Americans that I tend to regard them as experimental objects instead of real people. Hell, I know it’s wrong in the first place, but to whomever trying to be judgmental then I have to say; “it’s my thing, let it go!”. Anyway, this experimental thing of mine is coming to an end, thanks to the dear-dear American people I have met recently.

Is Having Affairs a Sin?

So is this it, now, am I cured?
Have I gone over you now, have I endured?
The struggling mind over the line
The stir inside your vacant eyes

Has it all come down to this now?
Another goodbye before the light before it stops
Must it all gone to the ground now?
Must I walk on from the instant drug?
Have his songs driven me down, now?
Cause his sights are telling me this is it, now, I can’t say that

Still can’t escape your daring blue
Which fall through the pain of you
So are you through without me, can you say
That you’ll be free without me, you’ll be okay

Though this will stay in the city
Crawl and tremble the inside of me
For everything was about your looks
And every word in the world you put
For everything was on what you said
And each line you got turning in my head

Why is it that a relationship needs that little twinge of fate, long geographical distance, series of shouting and finger pointing, socio-economic inequality, and yes, some other things that are affairs.
It seems that nothing can ever go smoothly in this round world of ours, and relationship being one of them. But to think about it, the rougher it gets, the tougher you’ll be in the end. In this case, relationships should be tested with the things said above to proof its efficacy against all odds. In shorter words, it’s what keeps the glue sticking on the both of you.
To my case though, an affair is proven times and times to be the most influential one indeed. It’s easy, it’s fast and disposable, and like effervescent aspirin tablets to your heavy headache, it can relief your relationship’s stagnancy. If affairs are that good, then why is it that people still regard it so badly? I mean, in the world where being gay is normal and threesomes are fashionable, why are affairs still a bad thing? Isn’t it just the same as going to another dentist without telling your own? In the end of the day you can only be reassured that your dentist stays the best in the city, or the exact opposite. If that dentist then suddenly decreases to second best, then your “relationship” needs a second thought.
Somewhat months ago, there was no doubt that even the most daunting of my half would resort to this kind of attachment to a person of such personality, thus, making it unbreakably exciting. But somehow, all of those conflicts and crisis failed after a series of family gatherings, alcohol related talks, loud shouts on mobile phones and a specific wedding. After what made it so daunting fell down, everything that played part suddenly became normal, and what was normal was also potentially boring. There was no edgy feeling anymore; no fear, doubt, no sense of mistrust, no blur between hate and love, less yelling and fighting, less wanting to throw each other with available utensils, and even less hesitancy. Suddenly, the daytime drama in us fades away.
I guess it was the constant need for drama and that twinge which got me into this mess again. Through an affair came real and present drama that can certainly make life more interesting. But then, once it’s come and gone, would your life be the dull transparent ice casing again?